Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore

wife arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. 

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. 

While I was driving along the highway, I saw this young girl here, looking tired and bedraggled,
So I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in the refrigerator. 

She had only some worn-out sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style. 

She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the colors didn't suit you. 

Her slacks were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now. 

Then, as the young girl was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"

2+5, the son of a bitch is 7.. Very Funny.. Must Read..

A little boy was doing his maths homework & saying:

2+5, the son of a bitch is 7
 
3+6, the son of a bitch is 9. . .

His Mom: What are you doing?

Boy: I'm doing maths homework

Mom: this is how your teacher taught you?

Boy: Yes

Infuriated, Mom asked the teacher the next day-
 
'What are you teaching my son in maths?'

Teacher: Right now, we are learning addition.

Mom: you teaching them to say 2+ 2, the Son of a bitch is 4?

Teacher after laughing: What I taught them was, 2+2, The Sum of Which is 4 !

Doctor vs Patient

One morning at a doctor's office a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him -"OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club, right? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. 

On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. 

I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. 

As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. 

I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back."

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. 

The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. 

What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. 

Today was the first day at my new job. 

I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. 

I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the sametime, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.. The doctor is shocked.  Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge and some one threw it from the 3rd floor"......

Very Very Funny.. Must Read..

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog.

Walking in the door, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel...

She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...

''Yes," was his incredulous reply..

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

New Albert Einstein Funny Joke.. Dont Miss It..

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.

"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."

Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor ask an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me

Funny James Bond

James Bond was at a bar chatting up a beautiful woman. The woman notices Bond keeps looking at his watch.

"Are you running late?" she asks.

Bond replies, "No. This is a special watch that communicates with me telepathically."

"Oh really? What is it telling you?" the woman asks.

Bond replies, "It says you're not wearing any undergarments."

The woman laughs: "Ha! Your watch is broken Mr. Bond. For your information I AM wearing undergarments."

Bond smirks and taps the watch: "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

WATER Melon.. lolzzz

Smith and his friend raped a princess. When they were caught and taken to the king for punishment.

The king ordered them to go and get as many fruits as they can to bail themselves.

Smith's friend went and returned with 15 Mangoes, the king ordered the guards to insert the Mango into his ass so that he will feel the same pain as the raped Princess.

The guy screamed and shouted throughout the insertion.

Suddenly, he began to laugh out loud, the guard asked him why he was laughing in pain.

He pointed ahead and said

.

.

.

“Look at my friend (Smith), he is bringing WATER Melon's.” lolzzz